Naomi broke my heart

i am OUTRAGED. completely fucked up when seeing what thread the Skins writers decided to pull with Naomi and Emily. OUTRAGED.

it was not nice to see myself reflected on screen. you know when something like that happens to you, you normally empathise more with the character and get to watch the show with more interest. i have to say NO. i didn't like this. i hated it. i hate the fact that Naomi cheated on Emily. it's just damn stupid. and no, seeing my own story reflected didn't make me feel any better. Emily is right. everything is so fragile. everything can slip off our hands and die in just a second. and... "You're always scared!".

i don't know if i'm happy either with the fact that is more than likely that Emily forgives Naomi, seeing how the episode ends. i just hope she doesn't just take it for granted. i am outraged. this is not what i wanted to see in the Emily episode. i am not a happy bunny.

and to cheer myself up, i'm gonna quote Emily in season 3... "I love fannies!!!!". haha.

ps. today, i went to Central Station. and sat down straddled along the muretto. i was listening to Snowed Under. nice memories poured into my mind and made me smile. i love when that happens.

awkwardness

nostalgia is a very long word, and a very deep feeling. many people claim to feel it every time that they're down and can only concentrate in their memories, without thinking if those memories are good or bad. nostalgia is the feeling of missing a good memory, a time in which we felt happy. we cannot feel nostalgic about a period in our lives where we weren't on top. or that we never had. because that has a different name that i can't recall right now.

well, yesterday, walking into the Hetherington Building felt like that. it was not nostalgia, cause i had never seen it look like new. it was not sadness, cause i really did not feel sad about it. but i felt strange. i felt as if i didn't belong anymore. like walking down Cecil St knowing i'm not going home. it feels very awkward. i'm trying to get back every single little piece of my life i left here, and the first step is always assuming what is not yours anymore. knowing how to let it go. "assumption" as always been easy for me, or the only alternative really. so here i am, ready to take back what i can take back, let go what i have to let go, and achieve new goals and own new things.

and in this "assumption" line, i need to assume that my body right now is not the body who played the SLBA Cup in June, nor the body who survived 2 months of physical prep in Italy in autumn. it's the body of someone who's not been active in two months and that has barely done any other exercise apart from sex. that means i run out of breath really quickly and that the continuous pain in my groin and knee are supposed to be normal. last night i played crap, but i am looking up now. motivation is my new keyword.

so if you have a minute why don't we go?
talk about it, it's somewhere only we know
this could be the end of everything
so why don't we go somewhere only we know?
somewhere only we know...

a reason

now my body's weak so just
give me a reason
and my make-up's off so just
give me a reason
my defense's down so just
give me a reason
am i strong enough now?
give me a reason...

i sing The Corrs and i look down at myself for being so beaten. for feeling so low. for not having the strenght to wake up. wake up and smell the coffee. i guess last week i was unusually strong, maybe too much, and went over my own limits. and now it's just "like that", the exercise depression. feeling low after having felt really high. my life sucks. i wonder if i will ever have a normal life. if there is something that will eventually change. to make me normal. i don't think so.

i'm tired.

i feel lost.

i feel hurt.





...


but... i believe in me!

and if a door is locked, i will just try another key.

lost!

INTRO: Em7 - C - G - D     x2

VERSE 1:
Em7              C         G
Just because I'm losing
      D         Em7    C   G
Doesn't mean I'm lost
      D         Em7     C   G
Doesn't mean I'll stop
      D            Em7     C   G  D
Doesn't mean I would cross

VERSE 2:

Em7              C         G
Just because I'm hurting
      D         Em7     C   G
Doesn't mean I'm hurt
      D             Em7      C    G
Doesn't mean I didn't get what I deserved
 D             Em7     C   G
No better and no worse

CHORUS:
         D
I just got lost
                 C     G  D
Every river that I tried to cross
                 C     G  D
Every door I ever tried was locked
       C
Ohhh and I'm...
   G                            D
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off

Remember the riff:
E|----------7---|-----------5------|
B|-------5------|--------3---------|
G|-5--7---------|--4--5------------|
D|--------------|------------------|
A|--------------|------------------|
E|--------------|------------------|

VERSE 3:

Em7             C         G
You might be a big fish
   D      Em7     C   G
In a little pond
      D           Em7
Doesn't mean you've won
      C        G      D      Em7     C      G 
'Cause along may come a bigger one


CHORUS:
             D
And you'll be lost
                   C     G  D
Every river that you tried to cross
                 C     G   D
Every gun you ever held went off
       C
Ohhh and I'm...
   G                            D
Just waiting 'til the firing stops
       C
Ohhh and I'm...
   G                            D
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off

Remember the riff:
E|----------7---|-----------5------|
B|-------5------|--------3---------|
G|-5--7---------|--4--5------------|
D|--------------|------------------|
A|--------------|------------------|
E|--------------|------------------|


SOLO: Em7+ - C+ - D+ - Bm+     x4

E|---------10--12-12-12-------------7---10-10-10-------|
B|--------------------------8-7-7-7------------------7-|
G|-9-9-9-----------------------------------------------|
D|-----------------------------------------------------|    x4
A|-----------------------------------------------------|
E|-----------------------------------------------------|


OUTRO:
       C
Ohhh and I'm...
   G                            D
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off
       C
Ohhh and I'm...
   G                            D
Just waiting 'til the shine wears off

just me

surrealism surrounds me.

this will teach me a lesson.

never trust anyone too much.

never give up on what i believe.

never think that the impossible exists.

never have a lesbian flatmate.

never expect the best and the worst from you. because it's unexpectable.

and always always always believe in myself. because yourself is the only person you can trust, and the only person you truly always have. it's simple.

love yourself!

harder
better
stronger...
longer!! :D